Funny how months before I was pregnant with baby number 2, I was having baby fever. You can't blame me, everyone was, well, having babies. My Facebook newsfeed was filled with pregnancy announcements, birth announcements, newborn photos, baby photos (along with engagement announcements, prenup photos and wedding photos, which isn't helping either). And whenever we're out, there's a lot of babies and pregnant moms and every time I see a little girl, my heart skips a beat and I tug on the mister's arm like a kid wanting to buy a toy. I gush every time I see baby clothes, especially baby girl clothes. I couldn't help but remember how it felt when I was pregnant with Roand. I always tell my husband how much I miss my pregnant belly, with Roand squirming inside. He has grown so much and I miss him as a tiny tot so I often find myself browsing through his baby pictures and watching his baby videos. Then one of my friends here gave birth too and when we went to visit her at the hospital, and I held her newborn baby girl, it gave me major baby fever. The husband would often tease me and say, "Let's have another baby then!" As much as I wanted to, I knew it wasn't the right time. I was about to take my NCLEX-PN and my driving test, and I plan to work as soon as possible. Roand was enrolled to a school and he is becoming more and more independent. The idea of having more time to myself and for the husband and more time to focus on a career made me look forward to a lot of things. The plan also was to bring my parents here first before we have another baby. And that we have a Church wedding first. So I tried to push the thoughts of having another baby away. But it was like my body gave in to what my heart wishes for and willed itself to be pregnant again. I know it doesn't work that way, of course. But the unexpected happened. And it took me... us... by surprise.
I have an app installed called My Days which helps me keep track of my cycle. It tells me when my period is coming, the safe days, and predicts ovulation too. Most of the time it accurately tells me when my period is coming but I don't rely on it that much when it comes to telling me about safe days or when I'm ovulating. Although my cycle is regular, there are still months when my ovulation period moves and my period would come a week or two late. I just use it to keep notes of when my periods came. We follow this "less than 10 Days after rule," which refers to the ten days after the first period and "2 days before rule" which refers to the 2 days before my expected period. But the mister, in his own way, and God knows how, also keeps track of my cycle. I don't know why, but I trusted his "way" one time. And then, what do you know, I was ovulating the next day, (or so I think at the time but I guess now I know I was right and that's how I predicted the gender too). I wasn't that sure that I was ovulating so I checked My Days and it said I wasn't supposed to be ovulating. I counted the days and I was supposed to be way pass my ovulation period. Of all the times that I would have trusted my husband's "way," I happened to trust him on a time when my ovulation period moved to a later time. What timing! Then my period didn't come and after almost two weeks, I was getting really anxious that I asked my husband to buy pregnancy tests. I used one right away (I know, I should have used first morning pee but well...) The lines were faint but the results were negative. I tossed it right away fearing it would become positive. Looking back, that was rather silly of me. Told the husband about it and we had a good laugh about it. That gave me temporary relief. I wanted to make sure so the next morning, I used a second one. Aaand the results were clearly positive.
Imagine my shock! It felt like somebody poured ice cold water over me and I felt this surge of mixed emotions. I was actually in denial and excited at the same time, and worried and anxious... And when I told the husband, he couldn't believe it either but he was really excited about it. I don't know if it was my hormones, but I got mad at him and I was blaming him for not being careful. In my mind, it just wasn't the right time yet. This wasn't how I pictured it. I wanted to be emotionally, not to mention financially ready by the time we'd have our second baby. And during that time, I just wasn't. We weren't. And I had everything all planned out. We were to have another baby when I was earning myself too. That was my plan. So that I would be doing my part as a provider too. I was still in denial so we went to a Kaiser lab to make sure. And sure enough, the results were positive. I know I wanted another baby so much and now that I was getting what I wanted, I was having mixed thoughts and emotions about it. But as much as I thought and felt I wasn't ready, there was no way I'm not having this baby. Or that I would love this baby any less. And when we told everybody about the news, everybody was so excited and happy for us that my worries turned to excitement and happiness too. I'm not sure why I was so worried in the first place anyway. Roand is pretty excited too. I didn't even expect him to react that way since he doesn't like seeing me carry another baby. But he is excited and I can't help but feel proud of him and I'm sure he'll make a great big brother.
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| The Announcement |
I realized how blessed we are this year. I can't thank the Lord enough for this outpour of blessings we've been receiving. To my little one, know that we are truly blessed to have you. Please know that although I thought I wasn't ready for you, and that I wanted to wait until I'm able to provide for you before I have you, that doesn't mean I didn't want to have you now. You probably couldn't wait to come and be a part of our lives and we can't wait to meet you either..!
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